In this long awaited episode we discuss the weird and surreal Spaghetti Western "Cemetery Without Crosses" and the Monte Hellman (Two Lane Blacktop, Cockfighter) directed Warren Oates starring, "The Shooting".
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Monday, September 14, 2009
My Life Through Sylvester Stallone Movies
“My Life Through Sylvester Stallone Movies”
By Eli J Osman
Being a film fanatic and spending most of my waking life thinking, talking, and/or watching movies. Each film I’ve seen has its own special moment to me; some moments are small and some are lost or some barely remembered. Some even involve the films of beloved actor, writer, director, and for a limited time country singer, Sylvester Stallone.
Demolition Man (1993)
Character – John Spartan
I once ate dinner under the naked frozen body of Stallone from this movie at a Planet Hollywood restaurant in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. It was really surreal and a little unsettling eating my New York style Cheesecake under a naked frozen body. I took a picture with my disposable camera. The cheesecake was good.
Judge Dredd (1995)
Character – Judge Dredd
After seeing this movie when it came out on video, I spent an entire week afterwards constantly repeating the line, “I AM THE LAW” in brilliant Stallone fashion. This process would repeat after every viewing.
Oscar (1991)
Character – Angelo ‘Snaps’ Provolone
I once saw someone selling one hundred copies of the DVD on eBay with a “Buy it now” price of $300. It was very tempting to purchase this lot of one hundred DVDs. Who in their right mind would sell one hundred copies of the same movie, especially a mediocre screwball gangster comedy from the early nineties? I assumed the only person who would have one hundred copies of Oscar in the first place, would be director John Landis or Stallone himself. If in the future, I randomly give you a copy of Oscar on DVD one of two things has happened; I have ran into some extra cash or I have got completely insane.
Victory (1981)
Character – Captain Robert Hatch
This was the first and as of now the only movie, I saw that feature an actor with the last name of Osman. Sadly, that actor played a Nazi.
Over the Top (1987)
Character – Lincoln Hawk
Because of this movie, I refer arm wrestling as playing “Over the Top”. But I always have to explain myself every time I use it.
The Party at Kitty and Stud’s (1970)
Character – Stud
This is Stallone’s first movie. It is also a softcore porn. My only viewing of this film was with a group of people I had just met. I was currently working on a horror short film and went to a guy house to get my stomach casted so I could get my guts ripped out. His roommates just got back from seeing porn star Ron Jeremy speak and was in the mood to watch some cheesy seventies porn. As his roommates piled in the living room, I was standing in the middle of the room with my shirt off having my stomach rubbed down with plaster. To make matters even stranger, one of his roommates started taking pictures of this process for his portfolio. Oddly, his roommates seemed really jaded by a half naked guy getting a rub down in front of them while watching the love-makings of Stallone. I now sympathize with young aspiring actresses that get pressured into porn and I understand the mind of Sylvester Stallone. I realize, out of shame comes greatness.
Rambo (2008)
Character – John Rambo
GREATNESS.
By Eli J Osman
Being a film fanatic and spending most of my waking life thinking, talking, and/or watching movies. Each film I’ve seen has its own special moment to me; some moments are small and some are lost or some barely remembered. Some even involve the films of beloved actor, writer, director, and for a limited time country singer, Sylvester Stallone.
Demolition Man (1993)
Character – John Spartan
I once ate dinner under the naked frozen body of Stallone from this movie at a Planet Hollywood restaurant in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. It was really surreal and a little unsettling eating my New York style Cheesecake under a naked frozen body. I took a picture with my disposable camera. The cheesecake was good.
Judge Dredd (1995)
Character – Judge Dredd
After seeing this movie when it came out on video, I spent an entire week afterwards constantly repeating the line, “I AM THE LAW” in brilliant Stallone fashion. This process would repeat after every viewing.
Oscar (1991)
Character – Angelo ‘Snaps’ Provolone
I once saw someone selling one hundred copies of the DVD on eBay with a “Buy it now” price of $300. It was very tempting to purchase this lot of one hundred DVDs. Who in their right mind would sell one hundred copies of the same movie, especially a mediocre screwball gangster comedy from the early nineties? I assumed the only person who would have one hundred copies of Oscar in the first place, would be director John Landis or Stallone himself. If in the future, I randomly give you a copy of Oscar on DVD one of two things has happened; I have ran into some extra cash or I have got completely insane.
Victory (1981)
Character – Captain Robert Hatch
This was the first and as of now the only movie, I saw that feature an actor with the last name of Osman. Sadly, that actor played a Nazi.
Over the Top (1987)
Character – Lincoln Hawk
Because of this movie, I refer arm wrestling as playing “Over the Top”. But I always have to explain myself every time I use it.
The Party at Kitty and Stud’s (1970)
Character – Stud
This is Stallone’s first movie. It is also a softcore porn. My only viewing of this film was with a group of people I had just met. I was currently working on a horror short film and went to a guy house to get my stomach casted so I could get my guts ripped out. His roommates just got back from seeing porn star Ron Jeremy speak and was in the mood to watch some cheesy seventies porn. As his roommates piled in the living room, I was standing in the middle of the room with my shirt off having my stomach rubbed down with plaster. To make matters even stranger, one of his roommates started taking pictures of this process for his portfolio. Oddly, his roommates seemed really jaded by a half naked guy getting a rub down in front of them while watching the love-makings of Stallone. I now sympathize with young aspiring actresses that get pressured into porn and I understand the mind of Sylvester Stallone. I realize, out of shame comes greatness.
Rambo (2008)
Character – John Rambo
GREATNESS.
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