When this decade began, I was 11.
From what I can gather, this wasn't one of our better decades as a country. We ended up in a war for reasons that are dubious at best. We were the victims of a major terrorist attack, as well as the vindictive bitch-in-heat fury of Mother Nature. We literally only HALF-elected a president twice in a row who did more harm to this country and its image abroad than even the most cynical of political pundits could possibly have foreseen.
You know, context clues.
Of course it was a great decade for film. Out of adversity come great works, and in addition to the excellent batch of films we received this decade, technology made it feasible to enjoy them in the comfort of your own home in equal-or-greater quality than you could get in a theater. It was the age of the collector, it was the age of the DVD (and partially the Blu-Ray disc).
I bought my first DVD on my birthday in 2000 (Scream 3).
The illustrious first batch of DVDs was a grab-bag, but I remember vividly watching Gladiator for the first time that Christmas. I remember the old DVD player that I left hooked up wrong for nearly a year, where the picture would dim and then brighten, off-and-on, throughout the film, until I figured out how to hook it up properly.
And I suppose I could detail the discovery of every single film that lead me to pursue filmmaking as a potential career. Everything from my worn-out VHS copy of The Mummy (1999) to discovering Band of Outsiders my freshman year of college and literally standing up during the famous dancing scene in the cafe, where the music goes out and our narrator speaks, but we're also able to hear our characters still snapping in time with the song. I can't do it justice with words...
It may not seem so special now, but back in 2006, this was unlike anything I'd ever seen - and in such a simple way. Such a simple idea, well-executed. Godard opened me up to the language of cinema - regardless of the rest of his body of work, I owe him so much simply because of this one scene. Sure, Breathless and Contempt are masterpieces - particularly Contempt, but there's nothing like that first glimpse of his inimitable style. And for me, that happened to be with this film.
But I'm not here to discuss films past - I'm here as prelude to a discussion of films much more recent. I'm here to talk about this decade in film. It was a decade where I was discovering the classics alongside the films released every weekend. An average Friday night spent at home on Winter Break my Freshman year of college would consist of a triple-bill of The Rules of The Game, Wild Strawberries, and Rashomon on TCM - and a Saturday afternoon spent downloading the Oscar screener of Children of Men.
Which brings me to the internet, of course. Illegal downloading is frown-able-upon, I suppose - and I'm not even going to pretend I don't engage in it to an almost absurd degree - but if anyone can let me know how to contact the rights-holders of Inchon, I'll gladly get in touch with them in order to smooth out the legal issues concerning a DVD release. Until that time, however, I'll stick with my digital copy with out-of-sync audio that was recorded off of the now-defunct Moonie television network.
To close out this post, I'm going to list 10 ambitious flops from this decade that are actually worth checking out. Some of these, not all of these, are covered by Nathan Rabin's My Year of Flops articles on the A.V. Club. In these cases, I will link to said articles - because in a handful of cases, they're how I discovered the films.
#1. Southland Tales (2006)
You knew this was coming.
Also, what a gorgeous freaking poster, no?
Southland Tales, My Year of Flops - by Nathan Rabin.
I'll keep things brief, as Rabin's article is top-notch, but let's just say I've seen this film several times, in each of its available iterations (via the internet, I've procured the Cannes Film Festival cut with showed on Sky TV in the UK, the other is the theatrical cut, available on DVD). Both versions are phenomenally dense, and never less than perplexing, but when Kelly's on his game, there's no filmmaker I'd rather follow on a descent into madness.
#2. Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within (2001)
I've heard arguments that this is genuinely a good movie, and I tend to agree with them, but there's no denying that this ludicrously ambitious effort hasn't quite been greeted with open arms by most. Let's just say it's a fun, 1980s-esque sci-fi actioner with a hint of mysticism to it and leave the comparisons to Avatar at that, shall we?
#3. Bad Boys II (2003)
Future generations will learn of our culture through this film, and this film alone. This remains Michael Bay's magnum opus, his crowning achievement, his masterpiece. Hell, the film even inspired Roger Ebert to ask if it was possible for a 'popcorn' film to 'out-popcorn' its audience. Perhaps, Mr. Ebert, perhaps, but if I'm to die of an overdose of something this amazing, this ball-shatteringly illiterate, this intoxicatingly insane, then so be it.
#4. Dreamcatcher (2003)
Dreamcatcher, My Year of Flops - by Nathan Rabin
As illustrated by Rabin's surreal recounting of the events of this film, what we have here is one of those blessed, all-too-rare instances where a lot of very talented people have an egregious lapse in judgment and choose to bring an atrocious, odd, and ultimately just ill-conceived project to completion. Directed by Lawrence Kasdan, Adapted by William Goldman, and starring among others the ever-noble Morgan Freeman and the unfortunately-Scientologist Jason Lee, this film should have lived up to the tension created by an excellent teaser trailer. It didn't. Smart went crazy. A mentally handicapable adult turns into an alien that saves the day. Maybe the mentally-handicapable have secretly been aliens testing our compassion all along? Maybe Stephen King was on a touch too many pain medications following his horrific car accident? Maybe, regardless, this film somehow makes the world a better place?
#5. The Wicker Man (2006)
The Wicker Man, My Year of Flops - by Nathan Rabin
I was fortunate enough to see this in theaters, before it became an internet sensation, and it remains one of the most incredible theater-going experiences of my entire life. There's a moment, about 20 minutes in, when the audience - who, mind you, had been on board through a lot of unconscionably hacky set-up at this point - turned on the film. It happens when Nicolas Cage is on a ferry, heading out to sea, and he thinks he sees the little girl he failed to save earlier in the film standing at the edge of the boat, looking out to sea.
An then all of a sudden a TRUCK comes out of NOWHERE and SMACKS into her!
And then Cage wakes up.
And the rest, my friends, must be seen to be fully understood and respected.
#6. It's All About Love (2003)
It's All About Love, My Year of Flops - by Nathan Rabin
Floating Ugandans. A medical anomaly where people's hearts simply stop beating. Sean Penn in an airplane for the entirety of the film, perpetually on a cell phone.
Ice skating Claire Danes clone assassins.
I've said enough. This film is too peculiar to pass up, and quite possibly some kind of David Lynch-esque mindfuck of the highest order.
That's right. I've seen it twice now, and I still don't know what the hell it's trying to do.
#7. Battlefield Earth (2000)
Battlefield Earth, My Year of Flops - by Nathan Rabin
John Travolta shepherds a different breed of crazy to the screen, and - if you can manage to make it through the entire film - somehow, you've become a more complete human being.
This is by no means a good film. This is simply a film whose hubris must be seen to be believed. (I mean, LOOK at those codpieces!)
#8. Babylon A.D. (2008) & The Chronicles of Riddick (2004)
I only begin cheating here because both of these films are extremely complex, ever-so-slightly compromised works that create odd, unusual worlds and don't get anywhere near the attention they deserve for their ingenuity and their many peculiarities.
Babylon A.D. is essentially Children of Men only shorter, stranger, and altogether less interesting (although it possesses remarkably inventive set-pieces).
Additionally, The Chronicles of Riddick's 'Underverse' remains one of the odder concepts introduced to science fiction film this decade.
Neither of these are anything too innovative, and any film in which the lead character outruns the sun certainly has its flaws, but both films are quite fascinating and remain strangely singular works from a pair of embattled auteurs, David Twohy and Mathieu Kassovitz.
#9. The Happening (2007)
Pound for idiotic pound, this is one of the the dumbest, most shockingly clueless films ever made. Naturally, it gets better (and funnier) with each passing viewing. Welcome to Killadelphia.
Short of John Leguizamo, none of the actors in this film turn in credible work, and nearly all of them are given something absolutely inane to say. Here, you can see the seams in the story even if you're not familiar with script structure. Shyamalan's effort is visible even to the naked, untrained eye. Ideas are introduced in one scene only because they must be established for the very next scene, with little thought given to character, tone, or suspense.
Honestly, this film is an absolute MUST-SEE. More fun than Shyamalan's previous misfire, Lady in the Water, and dumber than paste. Dumber than sea cucumbers. Less complex than most single-celled organisms. More awkward than a dugong. This film is the cinematic equivalent of your parents walking in on you masturbating.
#10. D-War (Dragon Wars) (2007)
D-War (Dragon Wars), My Year of Flops - by Nathan Rabin
Craig Robinson has been in some awful movies, but this is by far the most enjoyable. A South Korean epic action film that clocks in at about 82 minutes, features some of the most brain-dead acting this side of the Twilight series, and surprisingly boasts some decent special effects (even if they are used to sell action scenes that are more than content to simply repeat what's come before).
Yes, it's garbage - and yes, it's a touch too ambitious, but there are much, MUCH worse ways you can find to spend 82 minutes.
Honorable Mentions:
11. Torque (2004) - Here is a film that not only defies the laws of physics, it leaves a flaming bag of excrement on physics' doorstep.
12. House of the Dead/Postal (2003/2008) - Here's a pair of flip-sides to the Uwe Boll oeuvre of grotesqueries. One unintentionally seals its fate as one of the most unimaginably awful films ever made (while remaining hilarious), while the other serves as some strange missing link of spoof films that fits somewhere between the Zucker Bros. and the Friedberg/Seltzer abortions.
13. Van Helsing (2004) - Hey, I like it. Leave me alone.
14. War, Inc. (2008) - Mining the same vein of insanity as Southland Tales, this one's definitely worth a look if you're a John Cusack, Hilary Duff, or Montel Williams fan. Yes, they're all in this film.
I'd make a list of what films to avoid, but that would be nearly endless - and could possibly lead to my head exploding.
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And now, come the end of the decade, I've turned 21 and must once again this New Year's resolve to put away childish things, gain wisdom, get a good job and, hopefully, one day be married for my ample fortune.
In all seriousness, this could be the beginning of the very last annual/decade list I'll ever create, as I hope to be busy with a job/career in the near future, so I'll leave you all with this, in the spirit of the decade, and all that it stood for:
- Andrew Ford
